The Price of Pleasure
by CyberDeletion
Summary: Bakura stands in a rainstorm, trying to decide why he remains. [Minor Tendershipping (BR] [Long-ish drabble]


'Tis kinda angsty rambling. C'mon, I love Bakura-sama, but the words flowed and the idea was just too good to waste.

Just for the record: No, I'm not depressed or suicidal; I have no wish to harm myself in any way. Do you know how scared and worried I am about OTHER things (ex. fire, vehicles, splinters, anything pointy and/or with the perceived possibility of being able to cause harm) harming me or even causing discomfort? I like living, thankyouverymuch!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!

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It's glinting at me. It's daring me to use it. Maybe this time, I will. The rain falls down on both of us; trying to get those horns that must surely be on top of my head to fall flat, I expect. It doesn't matter. I'll have to get use to them sometime. I'm going to hell, aren't I?

All that water rushing below… how far could it carry me? Could it take me so far away, that no one would know my name or the fear it should inspire?

I'm out here to think. This must be the millionth time I've done this. I have to sway to one side of this issue sometime. What's keeping me here? What's pushing me away? My soul will be ripped in two if I don't decide. Not that it would matter. Not that anyone would care.

I can't kill the Pharaoh. I just _can't_. Half of it is my fault, half of it is his strength. I always get so caught up in what should be the result of my strategies that I can't actually counter when pulls them apart. He draws from those friends, but I haven't found a way to break that bond. I'm not sure if I can. Dammit, I need to kill him! If I can't kill him, what's left for me?

I've got nothing here. Ryou doesn't want me; he and his friends spent so much time looking for a spell to "give" me a sham of a body in the hopes that I would leave them alone. Ryou never said it, but I know he was relieved. Hell, I'd be relieved if some psycho who had up-and-stolen my body whenever he wanted to for however-long-it's-been - I never kept track - finally got his ass out of my place. Who wouldn't? I suppose I've managed to recover a bit of sanity in my time here. I would have the reason I would need to stay if I knew that Ryou cared.

I feel the raindrops hitting me. I can hear them slam into the bridge. I can see them hit the water. How I loathed and loved these experiences. The only tie I have to this world is that of the senses. Unheard screams, searing pain, crimson but coppery blood, and the scent of fear: each of them appeal to the five physical senses. Those are what I've experienced in this vessel and the borrowed one before. I suppose, if it were possible to feel after death, I might miss them… then again, I've known them for over 3,000 years. It can become tiring.

Speaking of tiring, so are these little ideals that mortals come up with. If you stand up to something and get your ass kicked, you're either brave or stupid. If you save your ass, you're usually a coward, but if you run the risk of getting your ass kicked again later, you have a chance at "redeeming" yourself in the eyes of others. If it's based solely on that, what's the point? It doesn't exist. There is only survival of the species, convoluted and dirtied by human concepts. (Who else do you see trying to kill each other over things that'll be worth shit after a while?) There is no beauty, there is no evil. Those had to be created.

I sigh, the ghost of a twisted smile curling my lips as the realization hits me. I don't really _need_ to get revenge for my village, do I? It was more out of an obligation I blindly felt and outrage that I should see something of that manner at such a young age than anything else, now that I think about it. Trying to get the Millennium Items was sort of an afterthought. In truth, any obligation, any attachment to people or objects is like any attachment to the senses: useless.

Life is a drug. We're all addicted. We try to hold on through the pain to achieve momentary pleasure from the trivial things. We fool ourselves into thinking we need it or truly enjoy it, like the junkies think they do. A few people must have discovered the truth and freed themselves, but others must have been caught off their highs or found the price of any pleasure too much to bear. With me revelation, maybe I should join their ranks.

Why didn't I think of this before? It's so simple I could laugh. I settle for chuckling darkly.

I don't need to get revenge. I don't need to stay here. I don't need these senses. I don't need to think.

That shining metallic weapon is still glinting at me. I now know that it's not daring me; it's offering to be my release. How could I be so blind as to not see it before? I accept its offer by picking it up.

"Bakura!"

I turn to face Ryou, standing a few feet away from me. He's drenched. He doesn't even have a coat on. I know he hasn't seen the truth, therefore it would be best for him to go get one before he falls prey to some kind of illness. It's not as though I can tell him that. He won't listen. What is he doing out here, anyway?

"Bakura, put down the gun."

I don't say anything, but I climb up onto and stand at the edge of the bridge. It's not really me he cares about; it's the simple loss of life.

"Why are you doing this?" He clings to my leg with those fragile hands of his in a pathetic attempt to stop me. Poor sweet Ryou, he is simply too blinded by this false life to understand. I don't want to upset him anymore, but I won't let him deter me from my final plan. I really am sorry, for once, that he doesn't understand.

"Please," he begs, tears glistening in his soft brown eyes, "Don't do this to me."

I bend down and bring my hand underneath his chin, feeling his porcelain skin. "Do this to you?" I must look very strange to him, smiling in an almost pitying manner. "My dear Ryou, I'm doing this _for_ the both of us. I've seen the truth and am about to act on it, ridding you of myself in the process." I close the gap between us with a kiss. This will be the first and last time I feel his soft lips. He tastes sweet, like a hint of vanilla… I never expected anything different. He's so shocked by my actions that he loosens his grip on me. I look at him straight in the eyes and whisper, "Aishiteru." That was not a revelation. I have always loved Ryou, but I never gave any hint because I was too caught up in the effects of life.

I stand up and lean back, still watching a dazed Ryou. I'm going to fall and use the gun. Better safe than sorry.

Ryou snaps back to reality, clearly distraught, though there's nothing either of us can do now that I've started to fall. "Bakura! I l-"

I cut him off by pulling the trigger.

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o0 Eep. I just killed one of my favorite characters and probably scarred another for life. -shakes Digimagic- I blame this on you and your fic "Easier to Run"! (Just kidding…)

I'm thinking about doing a companion to this in Ryou's POV. What do you think?

-hides from readers- Don't kill me! PLEASE! I dun wanna die! -cries- Please leave a review that does not contain the flames of hell. I appreciate all others, even if you state in a non-threatening manner that you did not appreciate my killing Bakura.

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-is annoyed that her asterisks do not like showing up on the internet-

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Please reveiew.


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